June 07, 2009

Recipe for Craziness


1 - house on the market
1 - recently purchased home from builder
1 - house that you are finishing building
1 - baby coming in 5 weeks
4 - other children
15 - doctors appointments
pinch of preterm labor


Take care that the first ingredient is maintained flawless at all times, moving heavy therapeutic equipment in and out of hiding several times a day. Pack a few dozen boxes of clutter away and keep kids from pulling things out of the donation box right after you put them in. Make sure that no dirty laundry is ever anywhere but inside the washer and be prepared to jump out of the house into the car at a moments notice with everyone in tow, tube feeding in the car if necessary and throw essential chicken nuggets at the others to endure through untimely showings.

In a separate bowl, take the second ingredient and make sure to consult with other chefs to ensure that all handicap modifications are thought through, sign a billion papers and keep all billion papers tucked away during showings of ingredient #1. Mix ingredient #1 with #2 until well blended.

Take ingredient #3 and add dozens of phone calls with builder and bank to finalize last details, research and make purchases for necessary lighting and accessories. Haul big screen tv, couches and boxes into ingredient #3 and carefully fold into blended mixture (this will naturally react with added preterm labor). Add in a dash of preterm labor and a handful of other children. Do not underestimate the importance of that ingredient. Attend the dozens of end of school-year events, making treats for classroom parties and volunteering as necessary. Be sure to shove all the last minute visits to specialists that you can fit in for one of your child before adding ingredient #4.

Make sure that your husband is working 24 hours a day, 6 days a week. His presence might cause the recipe not to rise.

Bake at 93 deg. and 95% humidity for 14 days. Yield: one brain fractured into 8 pieces.