August 24, 2009

Brownie Soup



So I just served my kids brownie soup for snack. It is not some prized Betty Crocker concoction, or even a secret recipe from my grandmother's cookbook. It is my own creation. One derived from desperation. It is made up from a box of brownie mix with water added until desired consistency is achieved. I omit the eggs and oil (lest I do something uNhEAlthY), pour it into individual bowls and tell my kids to belly up to the bar. The first time I served this they thought I was totally losing it, now they run for the table and dig in without blinking twice. Beyond pathetic, I know, but on a day like today though it quite possibly saved my life. There was a pretty thick toxic energy oozing from our house until brownie soup was served.
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I know now why they call these the "dog days" of summer -- because during the hot, late summer months a mom of a bunch of little ones is living in dog years. One long August week alone is equal to approximately 2 dog years I think.
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To kill some time on Friday, I demanded that their Fruit Loop necklaces all have at least 100 loops on them. That took a delightful 30 minutes of time. Then for snack time I combined their strings and tied them across the room and made them eat their snack without hands. That took another wonderful 30 minutes. Unfortunately, there were still 13 more hours to fill that day before bedtime. My reserve of fresh and novel ideas is running low -- any suggestions out there?
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I'm living in dog years. Really. I have long since said that my headstone on my grave will one day say: "How did the days seem so long when time went so fast?"

Until then, desperate times call for desperate measures, and brownie soup is on the menu. Which, by the way, is incredibly delicious and should be considered by anybody needing a good 3pm jolt in their day.
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August 18, 2009

Fairy Failure

I do Santa perfectly. My Easter Bunny performance is stellar. But blast this Tooth Fairy thing. I'm flunking.
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When Lance lost his first tooth I promptly got out my camera and took at least a dozen pictures. I had him brush it up shiny for the tooth fairy. I giggled when Alan and I snuck eagerly into his room to replace the tooth with a few coins during the late night hours.
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Lost tooth #2: No pictures. Remembered at the last minute before bed to go under his pillow and make the exchange.
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Tooth #3: Woke up in a panic in the middle of the night that I had forgotten to put money under his pillow. Dragged myself out of bed to attend to my fairy duty.
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Tooth #4: (growing disenchanted with the tooth ritual now) Woke up in a panic during the middle of the night again, but this time woke up Alan to go put the money under his pillow.
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Tooth #5: Completely forgot. Lance woke me up at 6am, tooth in hand, very disappointed that the tooth fairy didn't come. Thinking as fast as I could at 6am, I told him that he probably didn't look hard enough. I hid a few bills in my fist and went to "look" with him. As we searched I explained to him that I had left a note for the tooth fairy to leave me his tooth because I wanted to save it. I discreetly put the bills in his pillowcase which he was very relieved to soon find.
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Tooth #6: I didn't even see this one coming. The fairy wasn't financially prepared for a tooth loss that day. Alan went out on a diaper run at 10pm and went by the atm as he was out and got out the smallest bill denomination he could - $10. I searched for Lance's tooth but couldn't find it. I thought that he must have forgotten to put it under his pillow. I woke up at 6am to Lance marching in my room to dutifully place his tooth on my dresser (thankfully, he was still under the assumption that my last note to the fairy was still in effect) and proudly waved his $10 bill at us. He then started trying to wiggle another tooth out, seeing the trend that each tooth lost equalled a bigger payout.
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Who decided that all of these characters had to come in the middle of the night anyway? I think that I would be much more successful if the tooth fairy came during lunch time or something. And do you know how many baby teeth there are -- 20! With 5 children that equals 100 of these crazy nightime rituals for me.
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I'm destined for failure (and the poor house). Darn that tooth fairy.